State of the Union

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality."
-Martin Luther King Jr.'s Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech, 1964

"If Dwight Eisenhower had come back from the war and decided to run as a Democrat - which he almost did - there would be no Republican party today. They would be like the Ku Klux Klan, small knots of hate-crazed rich people scattered in walled ghettos around the country, instead of the dominant ruling autocracy that they have been for most of the last four decades."
-Hunter S. Thompson, "Better Than Sex"

It makes me sick. The other day I saw a Muslim - a MUSLIM walking in lower Manhattan, just a block a way from Ground Zero. Let me repeat that. A Muslim has the audacity to walk so close to the place where a group of Muslims killed so many Americans on September 11, 2001.

I don't care that you won't be able to see the Park51 community center with its mosque from Ground Zero. It shouldn't be there at all. It's not that I'm afraid of Muslims - it's just that I don't want them to kill me and corrupt my children.

It's not that I don't want Muslims in Manhattan, it's just that I don't want Muslims in this Christian Nation. In fact, if we can do away with all the Muslims, Homosexuals, Jews, Catholics, Blacks, Democrats, Socialists, and Pedophiles we will be pretty close to what the founding fathers intended. I don't believe they ever intended for this place to be overrun with immigrants and foreigners. So let's do them the favor and kick them out.

2,752 people died in New York on 9/11, excluding the hijackers. In total, 2,995 died, including the 19 hijackers. What did the 19 hijackers have in common? They were all Muslim. What does this community center and mosque have in common with them? It's Muslim as well! It's amazing. [The "white rights" group, on the other hand, the KKK, is all about nonviolence! (What's that, you say? They link to Storm Front? Well that's just a coincidence, isn't it?)]

The other day I asked a friend about the whole thing and he said, "Well, people have the freedom to practice their religion in the United States." I said show me where and he pointed me to the First Amendment of the Constitution:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

And so I said, Well, Arizona doesn't give a shit about the Fourth, so why New York give one about the First? [Sorry about the link to that long-haired hippy-liberal piece of trash, but it's the best I can find]. He just kind of looked at me confused. Then he told me something that made me kind of sad. Anyone can be a Muslim. Thankfully, most people aren't. I knew Arabs and Blacks could be Muslim, but I had no idea whites could be as well. It's just a testament to the strength of their brainwashing. All those poor children consumed by Allah.

I used to think they were all alike. Some Arabs will tell you they are "Sikhs." Don't be fooled - they are Muslims as well. In fact, these are some of the most dangerous Muslims because they carry a sword or dagger. Now it turns out Muslims can be anywhere.

So if these so-called people are using their so-called "freedom of religion" to put a MUSLIM community center and mosque two blocks behind Ground Zero (and I don't care that it will be hidden behind buildings - it will still be there) we should use our freedom of speech against it. After all, there is no Constitutional Amendment that forbids hate. Otherwise this wouldn't be an issue in the first place!

So here's my plan for getting back: hit them where it hurts. Was everybody sure to draw a picture of Mohammed for "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day?" I know I did. Here's my reference image:







[Courtesy change.org. By the way - check out the name of the "Designated Agent." It's a huge conspiracy.]

Barack Saddam Hussein Obama Bin Laden. How did he ever get elected president? He wasn't even born in the United States. By the way, did you know that 82 percent of Americans don't know that Obama is Muslim? That's up 7 percent since last year. People have been finding out! I'm glad Americans are getting so well educated.

Biblical Comics

Something I have been considering is creating a series of biblical comics, to be dubbed "The Bible for Grown-Ups." Just as children's bibles contain all the age-appropriate stories, this series will relate all the adult stories. Believe me, the bible is replete with sex and violence.

In any case, I did a comic for today's post on The Word that sort of lies within this vein. Check it out at The Word.

Cooking up some trouble

One of the unfortunate residual effects of writing an article on 9/11 conspiracy theorists is a nagging desire every four months or so to visit some Alex Jones web site, either Prison Planet or Info Wars to see what the fear mongerer is up to. If you're ever in the mood to be terrified - not by what Alex Jones proposes, but by the fact that people actually believe him - this is a wonderful pastime activity.

And if you're interested in advertising for doomsday scenarios and the impending collapse of government and financial sector - oh my! There are evacuation packs, filter kits to take that brain-washing fluoride out of tap water, "don't tread on me" clothing, lead-free x-ray-proof clothing, and ads telling you to buy gold NOW.

My favorite today, however, was the Crisis Cooker, which retails for $160. Now, let me tell you a little something about this contraption. It burns any fuel. Really - any fuel you could think to burn. However, it seems to be designed for charcoal and wood. And it's incredibly efficient. Your chicken will be done in less than an hour! And it can double as a personal heater!

Has anyone ever thought of this before? Surely no one has thought of such a -



Oh.

Yeah. That's been around for a while, hasn't it? Under $30 and it doubles as a dutch oven too! All you have to do is bury it in the ground. No, seriously. That's what a dutch oven is. You'd think they'd have adopted kitchens by now, but they still do all their cooking outside.

Perhaps my favorite two things about purveyors of these fine fear mongering products is one, their surety that the end is nigh, and two, their unshakable belief that they are constantly being watched, which sets them in a state of hyper-awareness (read: fear of the New World Order).

By the way, these just happen to be the two points expressed in the P.S. and P.P.S. at the bottom of the page.

P.S. This purchase could easily prove to be a “life-saving” purchase. If Israel or the U.S. bombs Iran, or if we have terrorist activities on our soil again… the supply of these cookers will go to zero over night. I know that sounds like fear mongering. But it’s not. It’s the truth. Only God knows how much time we have left before all hell breaks loose in America.

P.S.S. Don’t forget to start buying bags of charcoal while you can. Buy a few bags at a time so as not to grow suspicion.

I like that last one so much I cooked up (get it?) a little comic to convey the sentiment. Click to enlarge:



The NWO-Conspiracy Theorist mindset, in fact, makes Teapartiers seem almost heroic. I am not a fan of Teapartiers or the racist, sexist, homophobic Teabaggers, but at least these people are sure of themselves. Whereas this "crisis cooker" guy buys a few bags at a time so the government will not catch on, a Teapartier would proclaim, "It is my constitutional right to buy as much charcoal as I want!" Teapartiers, I imagine, are at least informed enough and bold enough to do that. I might not agree with their politics, but holy crap do they have balls.

P.S. I wish I got paid to link advertisements while making fun of people. That would be an awesome job. Only problem is I'd want to say who I wanted to make fun of and would probably make fun of the product as well. Heh, dutch ovens.

P.P.S. Bonus Music on MySpace:
Two Dollar Grill (Long Journey Home) by Hee Haw Nightmare

Help a School In Need!

When I was applying to Teach For America, the thing that struck me the most was the educational inequity for low-income areas. Free public education is not, it turns out, does not ensure equal opportunities for all. Only 1 in 10 students growing up in poverty will graduate college, and half do not graduate high school by age 18.

And then there is the school itself. This is most tangible manifestation of educational inequity. How are children supposed to learn the skills they need when the roof leaks, the water is not drinkable, and there is no place to eat lunch?

This is the question my friend Mary Michalow is facing. An excellent journalist, she is now working to become an excellent teacher, seeking a Master's in Elementary Education from the University of Pennsylvania. She is student teaching at Blankenburg Elementary School at Philadelphia, where the situation is dire. So she is reaching out through Kohl's Cares to try to win $500,000 for her school. Below is the description on Facebook:

Imagine going to school in a building where you'll get lead poisoning if you drink water out of the bathroom sinks. The hallways flood with an inch of standing water when it rains, making them impassable. The cafeteria is in a trailer outside because the school building doesn't have one. There is no playground to play on for recess.

For students at Blankenburg Elementary School in Philadelphia, this is a reality.

I'm student teaching at Blankenburg this fall, and I'm heartbroken that students have to learn in an environment like this. So please, vote for Blankenburg on Kohl's Cares. Vote 5 times. And get your friends to vote. And their friends. The more people, the better. Our school is already at a disadvantage because most of the students don't have computers at home to vote, so your votes are even more important. The school could get $500,000 to spend on improvements.

To you it's 5 mouse clicks, to these kids it could mean a roof that doesn't leak and flood the school.

Vote here (5 times!): http://apps.facebook.com/KohlsCares/school/789851/blankenburg-rudolph-sch?src=SchoolShare&_fb_fromhash=30f7df30684bbc7b1f866186a79a591c&ref=mf

I encourage everyone to join the group and cast five votes for Blankenburg. Send this link to your friends! It just takes a few moments and could have a lasting impact in educating children in need.