10:20 AM - 40 Minutes Till Go
It's the event that no respectable journalist should attend: Tiger Woods' scripted, no-questions-allowed statement to 30 of his closest friends and few media outlets.
You might think that's not a lot of people, except it's televised. And the fact that Woods isn't answering questions there is no reason for anyone to really attend at all. Woods could have apologized in person to those people. It's a "pseudo-event." But he is apologizing to me, so unlike the Golf Writers Association of America, I'm bringing the media circus straight to you.
Woods has no reason to apologize to the public. As Richard Sandomir writes in the New York Times, "Woods did not sin against golf." He sinned against his partner and American institutions perhaps, but not his sport. It's the institutions part that I am fascinated by. Woods was seen as a safe bet for advertisers, a positive role model. So he lost his sponsorships and was vilified when a single affair (and over the next few days a harem) is exposed.
I love it. Compare it to Alexander Ovechkin, who is one of the dirtier players in the NHL, nice neither on nor off the ice. But kids somehow look past his transgressions because he is an amazing player:
(1:10 gives the best detail)
"But wait," you say, "the situations are completely different!" You're absolutely right! Woods transgressed on his own time. If there is any crossover between Woods' personal life and his sport, it is because of the entertainment-media-advertising complex. Woods plays great golf no matter who he has sex with.
Roy Peter Clark brings to light five great stories that should be done on Woods. In my opinion, these creative methods should be the only pieces done on Woods:
- Woods as a prototype of Barack Obama, an African-American with light skin and a proper accent (cf. the oafish Harry Reid), deemed more acceptable to white America.
- A description of the gender differences revealed by the reaction to the scandal: how women focused on disloyalty, while men seemed more concerned with the stupidity and recklessness that resulted in his getting caught.
- A story on race and gender focused on the reaction of African American women to Tiger's apparent obsession with light-skinned, light-haired women.
- Whether or not a wealthy celebrity like Tiger Woods can find justice within the legal system. Does his status get him a pass? Or does it attract harsher penalties?
- The extent to which a double standard governs cases of spousal abuse. What if it were the Tiger swinging a club at his wife?
*You might notice I refer to Tiger Woods as "Woods" throughout this post. That's because I don't know him on a first-name basis, as apparently a number of newscasters and writers do.
10:30 ESPN Pregame
The asshat is giving commentary on ESPN. He advocates taking six months off of golf ("we're only three months into it"). Says Woods is on step nine (of a ten-step program), but Woods is going back into rehab after this statement.
Reilly is very concerned with Woods' marriage and the people he surrounds himself with (in public). "We invested in his life," says Reilly: buying his products, believing in his school, etc. Yeah, but people invested in Enron as well. There is a risk to investing in anything.
Apparently women are the people that are the most disgusted by Woods's actions. And Nike? Woods should therefore go on Oprah and get interviewed by Diane Sawyer. Couch jumping, in fact, has been proven to endear strange-seeming men with astereotypical (yes, astereotypical) relationships.
Rick Reilly calls the man "Tiger." Josh Elliot calls him "Woods."
10:40
ABC News' John Berman interviewed. Go figure.
Sergio Garcia: "To tell you the truth, I'm really not that interested."
Golfers interviewed are more interested in Woods' professional life than personal life. Go figure.
10:50
SportsCenter Rundown: Tiger Woods Public Statement // Tiger Speaks Today // North and Reilly Live.
On now: Tiger and Galleries
10:54
How many William Blake knock-offs do you think have been written since Thanksgiving?
11:00
According to Randy Shilts in Patient Zero, The Wall Street Journal did not report on GRID (as it was called before the more correct term "AIDS" came into use) until the disease had a heterosexual angle. That's shameful on the part of the paper, but the newspaper does offer an interesting glance into the financial world. The Wall Street Journal lets us know what's on the minds of America's business people, with some hard-hitting news built in (through the lens of business, of course).
Things that matter this morning (headlines courtesy WSJ):
Tax Protestor Crashes Plane Into IRS Office
U.S. Bets Best Ally in [Afghanistan] Surge is Old One
[Interest] Rate Rise Stirs Questions
Obama Unveils Debt Panel - and GOP Is Likely to Join It
Soldiers Oust President in Coup in Uranium-Rich Niger
Somali Troops Gird for Battle With Militants
Fight Over Health-Care Premiums Heats Up
IAEA Suspects Iran Seeks Nuclear Arms
U.A.E. Probes a U.S. Tie in Killing of Hamas Figure
IMF Suggest Capital Controls for Emerging Markets
Pakistan Arrests Two Taliban Leaders
Dutch Nearing Afghan Pullout
Wal-Mart Warns of Soft Sales Ahead
Toyota's Chief Will Testify in Congress
Google Defends Its Books Pact
Regulators Clear Microsoft-Yahoo Alliance
Greece's Next Test Is in Bond Sale
Lewis Knew of Legal Decision
Obama Meets Dalai Lama Despite China's Ire
11:10
It is 31 degrees outside.
11:15
The shindig is over. Rick Reilly is coming on so the TV is turning off.
Fin.
1:45 Post Script
Okay, it seems I can't not talk about Woods. I was just talking with my roommate Jon about Woods' claim that Elin Nordegren did not ever harm him. Where did that report ever come from? TMZ? Oh. Reblogged by the...wait. Huffington Post?! Oh my. Oh, oh my.
I am surprised no one has advanced a Tyler Durden theory yet regarding Woods' injuries. Spread the word. But not too much - no one likes a media circus.
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