Rick Reilly is a Pompous Asshat

[Can I say asshat on here? Is that okay?]

It's amazing. I write uncreative, self-serving drivel all the time and don't even get paid for it.

There was a time when Rick Reilly wrote about the little people in sports, the people you could learn lessons from. As a professor once told me, "Sports journalism is not about sports. It's a way of talking about everything else."

So I was disappointed when Rick Reilly sold out to ESPN for a five-year, $10 million contract. Ever since Reilly joined the Everything Sexist Pig Network, his writing has been uninspired (and at times, uh, repetitive), duller-than-bread-knife, more-arrogant-than-Kobe Bryant articles. This is not a dig at Kobe. When you're one of the best at what you do, you are allowed to be self-centered, especially when you're doing your job. The difference is Kobe, one of the best, getting 28 points a game. Rick Reilly, on the other hand, is getting paid $2 million a year to maybe make a foul shot when he's lucky.

Which brings me to my point: his foul shots against Canada.

His February 15 article, "Oh Canada" was depths below the standardized level of creativity and exceeded fivefold the amount of acceptable ass-hattery (I hope that phrase catches on). His writing does nothing but repeat Canadian stereotypes: They're nice. They are inferior to Americans. They live in the wild. They talk funny. They're great at curling. Where's the creativity? Check out the article. You'll see what I mean.

Reilly got some negative feedback for that article, so he wrote a second today in response, "Are We Having Fun Yet?" I read the whole thing with the Wicked Witch of the West's Voice in my head. The taunting, the sheer arrogance was that bad. Check it out. Seriously:

...Although I did like torchbearer Wayne Gretzky being taken to the lighting of the Official Olympic Giant Outdoor Reefers in the back of a pickup truck...That is what's known as a Canadian limo.

and

I would like to make up for it by awarding the following Canadian citizens gold in other disciplines: The Canadian Olympic women's hockey team, for beating Slovakia 18-0. Slovakia beat Bulgaria 82-0 almost two years ago in pre-Olympic qualifying. Eighty-two to nothing! Suck on that, Slovakia! How's it feel? Canuck women rule!

Wait, I actually don't understand what that one means. Who is he speaking to?

[Still giving out medals] The Canadian fans who wait more than four hours at Robson Square to ride a 30-second zip line. And they wait happily! And they say "sore-ee" when they bump elbows accidentally! Do they realize they could build their own 30-second zip-line ride in four hours?

I once waited 3 hours to ride a ride at Six Flags. Golly, I wish there was something else I could have done to simulate falling like that...Oh wait.

How does he get off with this stuff? It's drivel about a little drizzle. Like Canadians control the weather! If I wanted to read some boring, inconsequential piece about what an awful time someone is having, I would have checked out fmylife.com. And that site doesn't even have to pay its writers four digits a day.

Interested in more? Check out FireRickReilly.com. Their analysis of this issue is far better than mine.